I really should be doing homework, honestly.
Well mr.blog, I'm back and this time it's semi-personal.
lol, semi.
Anyway, school is back. Wahay! I mean, in principle, what a shit. School is a bastard. I've been doing alright though, I find myself laughing a lot more in school these days, chillin with Becky and all at break. At the same time, I still have my homework problem, i.e. I want to do it, I mean to do it but time moves too quickly and I get distracted, then I shit myself about not having it done and decide I need to shape up before going home and doing feck all again. Supervised Study should stop this vicious circle though.
Becca is not talking to us. Meh.
oooooooh Aqualung just came on itunes :dance:
serious tunage.
SNOW PATROL - 3/12/09
I nearly didn't have tickets, I honestly felt like crying when ticketmaster said they were sold out. I've never had a feeling like it, utter heartbreak. Felt like the rest of this live business was pointless. ALAS! I found tickets, Sound Cellar being the saviour in my learning of the importance of credit cards. Astonishing that 1500 lazy people ordered and got tickets without leaving their house and I nearly missed out despite physically being at ticketmaster 3 minutes after the original sell date.
My airplane song just came on :D
Now I want to go on holiday. Is it wrong that I'm incredibly excited for the leaving cert because of the prospects next year holds? A whole year to travel, mess about and relax! No more school pressure, no more fecking uniforms and what have you.
Airplane song ftw!!
Not much else to write, better do some pesky applied maths homework and head to bed to salvage some dreamtime before awaking stupidly early!
Karl
xx
PS: Gaslight Anthem :adore:
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Sunday, June 14, 2009
I Choose Love
I left you just 2 months ago in search of something that I didn't know and now, I still don't know but I
Felt I had to let go, I had to find out for myself so I could shelve all my doubts and work it out and you
Understood so well, you left me to myself, now I'm sure that time will tell but time can help
So please don't forget, you know I regret how unsure I was then, please say there's something left.
Felt I had to let go, I had to find out for myself so I could shelve all my doubts and work it out and you
Understood so well, you left me to myself, now I'm sure that time will tell but time can help
So please don't forget, you know I regret how unsure I was then, please say there's something left.
Mistakes have been made
Two lives have been changed
I know you've cried
Please say it's not too late
And I know why I'm unwell
I want you for myself
I've seen both sides
And I choose love over anything else...
There's nothing I can say that you haven't heard before. I'm making promises I made a year ago but it's
Something that cant wait, you're drifting further away and I'm clinging on for life, please don't let go and you
You know me so well, better than myself, and you know that it takes time but time can help
And you know how much I miss, the coolest girl there is and you know, you can trust, please say that that's enough
Mistakes have been made
Two lives have been changed
I know you've cried
Please say it's not too late
And I know why I'm unwell
I want you for myself
I've seen both sides
And I choose love over anything else...
Mistakes have been made
Two lives have been changed
I know you've cried
Please say it's not too late
And I know why I'm unwell
I want you for myself
I've seen both sides
And I choose love over anything else...
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Isolation
I only blog when im feeling fucked up ahah, just noticed that.
I've been diagnosed with BPD or Borderline Personality Disorder. This means I have incredibly low self-confidence. I also suffer from severe Paranoia, meaning I think everyone is out to get me. Yet, people still think I'm a cunt when I go a little over the top on them.
I cant help it. You wouldn't slag off a suicidal person, you wouldn't give out if a person with one leg couldn't run fast enough, yet here I am, with mental disorders, being treated like a cunt.
What's even more sickening is the fucking hypocrisy of it all. Fuck that shit.
And when I had to deal with amazing upset? With being ditched? I was like, yeah okay dont worry about it! Still, I'm a fucking cunt innit.
Sick of this shit, all of this shit. People can fuck off, don't know who they think they are on their fucking high horse, making me and the person closest to me feel like fucking shit.
bullshit
excuse my french
I've been diagnosed with BPD or Borderline Personality Disorder. This means I have incredibly low self-confidence. I also suffer from severe Paranoia, meaning I think everyone is out to get me. Yet, people still think I'm a cunt when I go a little over the top on them.
I cant help it. You wouldn't slag off a suicidal person, you wouldn't give out if a person with one leg couldn't run fast enough, yet here I am, with mental disorders, being treated like a cunt.
What's even more sickening is the fucking hypocrisy of it all. Fuck that shit.
And when I had to deal with amazing upset? With being ditched? I was like, yeah okay dont worry about it! Still, I'm a fucking cunt innit.
Sick of this shit, all of this shit. People can fuck off, don't know who they think they are on their fucking high horse, making me and the person closest to me feel like fucking shit.
bullshit
excuse my french
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Waiting for the 7.18
She glanced upwards, her hair still dripping. She caught her reflection in the mosaic-framed mirror. A flicker of fear ran through her. She stared, almost longingly, at the girl who gaped back. She reached out, touching the cold, unpleasant surface of the virtual image. The radio droned in the background, some song about finding "The One". She let out a despondent laugh as she wiped the glistening teardrop from her twin. The real tear continued on, regardless of the death of its counterpart. It rolled suicidally towards her chin before gently diving towards the hall floor. Today was the day. In her mind, the rain was like some form of pathetic fallacy.
He had never really understood it all. He was just your average teenager. He wasn't overly handsome. He wasn't captain of the sport's teams. He played chess but only when his granddad was over. Video games were only played on rare occasions with friends. He didn't fit into a category. He just . . . existed. He travelled from friend to friend, desperately grabbing on to anything that resembled a social situation. Anything to escape from the darkening cloud of depression. His dad had suffered from it and he knew he eventually would too. However, with not much going for him, he grappled with keeping friends. He had lost them all eventually, for various reasons.
She grabbed the warm sandwiches she had made earlier and hastily packed them into her carrier bag. She gave the clock a fleeting look. Fifteen minutes. She scurried around her parent's suburban terraced house, scavenging anything she thought would be essential. Toothpaste and a brush made there way into the bottom of the bag, nestling beside the sandwiches. She took some clothes, not her entire collection(which spanned two wardrobes), instead she took just the two t-shirts her father had bought her, a beaten up pair of jeans she had owned for many a year and his jumper. She packed underwear, a mix-tape and a wooly hat.
He had just expected it to be another day at school. He would go in, stand alone, awkwardly greet former friends. He would usually revert to positioning himself outside other social circles. He would try chime in with his dry wit however, it was never heralded with more than a smile. He grabbed a seat beside the radiator. The weather had been dull for the past month or so, as is typical in his area. He opened his books and began to daze. He was stirred from his reveries by an abrupt slam of books beside him. He turned around and caught a glimpse of a glistening pair of eyes. They were brown. Not just any brown though, they were the darkest brown eyes he had ever witnessed. The whites of the eyes were made immensely vivid by their neighbor's darkness and he had to fight his way out of staring. He decided to focus on who this person was. She was smaller than him, marginally. Her blonde hair sat just past her shoulder and flowed with every turn of her head. She was quiet, giving him a quick hello but nothing more. He grunted back, still not full awoken from his daydreams. However, she smiled. That was it. His jaw dropped. Her perfectly formed lips curved, releasing the most beautiful teeth he had cared to notice. Her cheeks creased a little and her eyes reflected his apparent shock. "Phoenix, meet Robyn, she's new.".
She sat at the small, circular table in the kitchen and began to write. "Mam, Dad, Emily...". She choked back a tear or two before attempting to continue. Eventually, she lost the battle and possibly the biggest tear she had ever produced bounced off the lined paper she had sat in front of her. She grasped the fountain pen and persisted with her note. "I love you all". She sustained her writing for the majority of the note before her body's shaking forced her to cease. She folded the paper and placed it under a heart-shaped paperweight on the counter. She grabbed her favourite red jacket and trudged towards the door. Now, the wait. She placed her carrier bag beside her Cons that had accompanied her through many obstacles. She sat dejected on the bottom step of the winding staircase.
He spent the next week or two casually creating conversation. He used his humor to win her over. However, making friends was not really the challenge. Keeping them was were he failed. He interrogated her, scouring for information, for something that he could build a bond on. It was hard. He couldn't concentrate for losing himself in her smile, or her eyes. They exchanged e-mail addresses and would spend entire nights clattering away at their keyboards. He knew he liked her. She was, on the surface, perfect. He adored the way her hair would blow in several different directions, rebellious to the wind. He adored the way she didn't care when it did. He had found solace in her laugh, her cute laugh. In his opinion, that laugh was the single greatest thing he had ever heard. He loved when she tried defending her name in their petty top trump fights. "A phoenix would beat a Robin any day", he would suggest, usually provoking a debate which would last into the night, her always fighting a losing battle.
She checked her watch. Her grandmother had given it to her in her will. She willed the second hand on its endless journey around the face of the timepiece. He was late, ten minutes late. He was never late. Never, for anything. He insisted on punctuality. Yet here she was, for the first time in their relationship, waiting for him. She began clicking her heels together, her formerly-red, now almost pink, Cons clunked off of each other, their laces rattling off the ground at every collision. She let out a sigh, kicking out pathetically at an ant that had scurried in through the slight gap under the door. The creature stopped, almost mockingly, before continuing in its quest for nutrition.
He had a gut feeling he was falling for her. Admittedly, he had never loved before. How could he confirm this feeling? He did know, however, that he had never felt like this before. He was intoxicated by her scent, soothed by her voice, and her touch gave him goosebumps. He found a new meaning. Something to wake up for, even if waking up from his dreams of her was not his top priority. They continued to live nocturnally as he started making noises about his feelings. He was shy. He had never announced his feelings to a girl before, he had never even ventured close. But there was something about her, something that made him feel he could say it. He made a plan. He invited her out, a day to the zoo. He had planned it perfectly. They met up outside the zoo, the thundering rain seemed to collect on his glasses. They trudged around the empty, unwelcoming, animal cages. He held a single, red balloon and despite her constant questioning, he refused to tell her why he had it. That was until the end of the day. They sat down on the wet bench, reclusively placed in aice the cage that held arctic wolves. He handed her the balloon and she, bewildered, thanked him. He reached into his inside coat pocket and pulled out a sewing pin. He gave it to her, gesturing towards the balloon. She took the hint, popping the balloon with an almighty bang that echoed around the lonely zoo. A slip of paper began its slow descent to the ground, It floated lightly, despite the rain pushing it down. She reached out, catching the now drenched paper. She opened it up, trying to read the soaked ink. She choked back a tear; "Yes! Yes of course!". She reached towards him, grasping him and squeezing to within an inch of his life. He gasped before realising his surroundings. He held her back. He knew. That feeling in his stomach. He knew. He loved her.
She heard a car and her heart jumped. She looked out of the little oval window on the door, nothing. Just a neighbor. Not him.
He had told her his plan after two months together. He was sick of not being able to spend his days and nights with her. They would run, runaway to a place where they could find peace. Where they could have fun. Where he could support her and where they could begin to spend their lives together. At first she was doubtful. Her life was perfect. It was frustrating that she couldn't see him whenever she wanted, but she loved her family and she loved her friends. However, he convinced her that he was serious when he got his driver's license. She gradually came around to the idea.
She looked up again, it was him. His hair glued to his face with rain. His red jacket was soaked through. She opened the door and they greeted each other with a kiss. He beckoned her towards his old Fiesta. It was lashing rain, the wind thrashing around. She stopped and thought for a minute, looking back at her warm, illuminated house. Pictures of her parents sat on the hall table, a family photo hung above the the fourth and fifth step. She threw her gaze to the ground before slamming closed the door to her old life.
They set off. Together at last. Like something out of a movie. He drove for what seemed like days as she slept peacefully in the passenger seat. The man on the radio kept him informed on the time but he hadn't payed much attention. They only stopped for petrol and even that was an event that occured without speech. They finally gave up in a little village on the outside of the next county. They rented a cottage for a week, spending almost a quarter of their savings in one go. They feasted on her prepared sandwiches that night, eager for energy. They sat out on the balcony, falling asleep in each other's arms.
It seemed great. They would drive for hours, stop, find somewhere to stay and fall asleep together. It was a dream come true. They lived out of bags without a care in the world.
However, after 6 weeks on the run, they began to run out of money. Instead of renting places to stay, they slept in the car. Food was rare and cherished when they fell upon it. Their relationship, however, stayed strong. He loved her. He would love her through whatever. In his opinion, this was nothing. Nothing. To her, this was hell. She loved him but she missed her family. She longed for her friends. She would often awake and stare at the stars through the muddy sunroof, whispering to herself "There's no place like home.".
"There's no place like home."
She loved him, she adored him. But she set off into the night. She ran. There's no place like home and she ran there. She ran through the rain, over mountains, rivers and through fields. She ran for days, often stopping for breaks. He awoke to find nothing. She was gone. He was alone again. His love was gone. His one reason for being was gone. It felt like his soul was gone. He was a shell, sitting alone in a hatchback on the side of a motorway, he realised that dreams are only dreams. That he pushed her too far out of her comfort zone. He had pushed his only loved one into a situation were she felt the need to run away from him. He sat, broken, slouched in his seat. He sighed and let out a whimper, a pathetic attempt to scream with anger.
He had never really understood it all. He was just your average teenager. He wasn't overly handsome. He wasn't captain of the sport's teams. He played chess but only when his granddad was over. Video games were only played on rare occasions with friends. He didn't fit into a category. He just . . . existed. He travelled from friend to friend, desperately grabbing on to anything that resembled a social situation. Anything to escape from the darkening cloud of depression. His dad had suffered from it and he knew he eventually would too. However, with not much going for him, he grappled with keeping friends. He had lost them all eventually, for various reasons.
She grabbed the warm sandwiches she had made earlier and hastily packed them into her carrier bag. She gave the clock a fleeting look. Fifteen minutes. She scurried around her parent's suburban terraced house, scavenging anything she thought would be essential. Toothpaste and a brush made there way into the bottom of the bag, nestling beside the sandwiches. She took some clothes, not her entire collection(which spanned two wardrobes), instead she took just the two t-shirts her father had bought her, a beaten up pair of jeans she had owned for many a year and his jumper. She packed underwear, a mix-tape and a wooly hat.
He had just expected it to be another day at school. He would go in, stand alone, awkwardly greet former friends. He would usually revert to positioning himself outside other social circles. He would try chime in with his dry wit however, it was never heralded with more than a smile. He grabbed a seat beside the radiator. The weather had been dull for the past month or so, as is typical in his area. He opened his books and began to daze. He was stirred from his reveries by an abrupt slam of books beside him. He turned around and caught a glimpse of a glistening pair of eyes. They were brown. Not just any brown though, they were the darkest brown eyes he had ever witnessed. The whites of the eyes were made immensely vivid by their neighbor's darkness and he had to fight his way out of staring. He decided to focus on who this person was. She was smaller than him, marginally. Her blonde hair sat just past her shoulder and flowed with every turn of her head. She was quiet, giving him a quick hello but nothing more. He grunted back, still not full awoken from his daydreams. However, she smiled. That was it. His jaw dropped. Her perfectly formed lips curved, releasing the most beautiful teeth he had cared to notice. Her cheeks creased a little and her eyes reflected his apparent shock. "Phoenix, meet Robyn, she's new.".
She sat at the small, circular table in the kitchen and began to write. "Mam, Dad, Emily...". She choked back a tear or two before attempting to continue. Eventually, she lost the battle and possibly the biggest tear she had ever produced bounced off the lined paper she had sat in front of her. She grasped the fountain pen and persisted with her note. "I love you all". She sustained her writing for the majority of the note before her body's shaking forced her to cease. She folded the paper and placed it under a heart-shaped paperweight on the counter. She grabbed her favourite red jacket and trudged towards the door. Now, the wait. She placed her carrier bag beside her Cons that had accompanied her through many obstacles. She sat dejected on the bottom step of the winding staircase.
He spent the next week or two casually creating conversation. He used his humor to win her over. However, making friends was not really the challenge. Keeping them was were he failed. He interrogated her, scouring for information, for something that he could build a bond on. It was hard. He couldn't concentrate for losing himself in her smile, or her eyes. They exchanged e-mail addresses and would spend entire nights clattering away at their keyboards. He knew he liked her. She was, on the surface, perfect. He adored the way her hair would blow in several different directions, rebellious to the wind. He adored the way she didn't care when it did. He had found solace in her laugh, her cute laugh. In his opinion, that laugh was the single greatest thing he had ever heard. He loved when she tried defending her name in their petty top trump fights. "A phoenix would beat a Robin any day", he would suggest, usually provoking a debate which would last into the night, her always fighting a losing battle.
She checked her watch. Her grandmother had given it to her in her will. She willed the second hand on its endless journey around the face of the timepiece. He was late, ten minutes late. He was never late. Never, for anything. He insisted on punctuality. Yet here she was, for the first time in their relationship, waiting for him. She began clicking her heels together, her formerly-red, now almost pink, Cons clunked off of each other, their laces rattling off the ground at every collision. She let out a sigh, kicking out pathetically at an ant that had scurried in through the slight gap under the door. The creature stopped, almost mockingly, before continuing in its quest for nutrition.
He had a gut feeling he was falling for her. Admittedly, he had never loved before. How could he confirm this feeling? He did know, however, that he had never felt like this before. He was intoxicated by her scent, soothed by her voice, and her touch gave him goosebumps. He found a new meaning. Something to wake up for, even if waking up from his dreams of her was not his top priority. They continued to live nocturnally as he started making noises about his feelings. He was shy. He had never announced his feelings to a girl before, he had never even ventured close. But there was something about her, something that made him feel he could say it. He made a plan. He invited her out, a day to the zoo. He had planned it perfectly. They met up outside the zoo, the thundering rain seemed to collect on his glasses. They trudged around the empty, unwelcoming, animal cages. He held a single, red balloon and despite her constant questioning, he refused to tell her why he had it. That was until the end of the day. They sat down on the wet bench, reclusively placed in aice the cage that held arctic wolves. He handed her the balloon and she, bewildered, thanked him. He reached into his inside coat pocket and pulled out a sewing pin. He gave it to her, gesturing towards the balloon. She took the hint, popping the balloon with an almighty bang that echoed around the lonely zoo. A slip of paper began its slow descent to the ground, It floated lightly, despite the rain pushing it down. She reached out, catching the now drenched paper. She opened it up, trying to read the soaked ink. She choked back a tear; "Yes! Yes of course!". She reached towards him, grasping him and squeezing to within an inch of his life. He gasped before realising his surroundings. He held her back. He knew. That feeling in his stomach. He knew. He loved her.
She heard a car and her heart jumped. She looked out of the little oval window on the door, nothing. Just a neighbor. Not him.
He had told her his plan after two months together. He was sick of not being able to spend his days and nights with her. They would run, runaway to a place where they could find peace. Where they could have fun. Where he could support her and where they could begin to spend their lives together. At first she was doubtful. Her life was perfect. It was frustrating that she couldn't see him whenever she wanted, but she loved her family and she loved her friends. However, he convinced her that he was serious when he got his driver's license. She gradually came around to the idea.
She looked up again, it was him. His hair glued to his face with rain. His red jacket was soaked through. She opened the door and they greeted each other with a kiss. He beckoned her towards his old Fiesta. It was lashing rain, the wind thrashing around. She stopped and thought for a minute, looking back at her warm, illuminated house. Pictures of her parents sat on the hall table, a family photo hung above the the fourth and fifth step. She threw her gaze to the ground before slamming closed the door to her old life.
They set off. Together at last. Like something out of a movie. He drove for what seemed like days as she slept peacefully in the passenger seat. The man on the radio kept him informed on the time but he hadn't payed much attention. They only stopped for petrol and even that was an event that occured without speech. They finally gave up in a little village on the outside of the next county. They rented a cottage for a week, spending almost a quarter of their savings in one go. They feasted on her prepared sandwiches that night, eager for energy. They sat out on the balcony, falling asleep in each other's arms.
It seemed great. They would drive for hours, stop, find somewhere to stay and fall asleep together. It was a dream come true. They lived out of bags without a care in the world.
However, after 6 weeks on the run, they began to run out of money. Instead of renting places to stay, they slept in the car. Food was rare and cherished when they fell upon it. Their relationship, however, stayed strong. He loved her. He would love her through whatever. In his opinion, this was nothing. Nothing. To her, this was hell. She loved him but she missed her family. She longed for her friends. She would often awake and stare at the stars through the muddy sunroof, whispering to herself "There's no place like home.".
"There's no place like home."
She loved him, she adored him. But she set off into the night. She ran. There's no place like home and she ran there. She ran through the rain, over mountains, rivers and through fields. She ran for days, often stopping for breaks. He awoke to find nothing. She was gone. He was alone again. His love was gone. His one reason for being was gone. It felt like his soul was gone. He was a shell, sitting alone in a hatchback on the side of a motorway, he realised that dreams are only dreams. That he pushed her too far out of her comfort zone. He had pushed his only loved one into a situation were she felt the need to run away from him. He sat, broken, slouched in his seat. He sighed and let out a whimper, a pathetic attempt to scream with anger.
Waiting for the 7.18
She glanced upwards, her hair still dripping. She caught her reflection in the mosaic-framed mirror. A flicker of fear ran through her. She stared, almost longingly, at the girl who gaped back. She reached out, touching the cold, unpleasant surface of the virtual image. The radio droned in the background, some song about finding "The One". She let out a despondent laugh as she wiped the glistening teardrop from her twin. The real tear continued on, regardless of the death of its counterpart. It rolled suicidally towards her chin before gently diving towards the hall floor. Today was the day. In her mind, the rain was like some form of pathetic fallacy.
He had never really understood it all. He was just your average teenager. He wasn't overly handsome. He wasn't captain of the sport's teams. He played chess but only when his granddad was over. Video games were only played on rare occasions with friends. He didn't fit into a category. He just . . . existed. He travelled from friend to friend, desperately grabbing on to anything that resembled a social situation. Anything to escape from the darkening cloud of depression. His dad had suffered from it and he knew he eventually would too. However, with not much going for him, he grappled with keeping friends. He had lost them all eventually, for various reasons.
She grabbed the warm sandwiches she had made earlier and hastily packed them into her carrier bag. She gave the clock a fleeting look. Fifteen minutes. She scurried around her parent's suburban terraced house, scavenging anything she thought would be essential. Toothpaste and a brush made there way into the bottom of the bag, nestling beside the sandwiches. She took some clothes, not her entire collection(which spanned two wardrobes), instead she took just the two t-shirts her father had bought her, a beaten up pair of jeans she had owned for many a year and his jumper. She packed underwear, a mix-tape and a wooly hat.
He had just expected it to be another day at school. He would go in, stand alone, awkwardly greet former friends. He would usually revert to positioning himself outside other social circles. He would try chime in with his dry wit however, it was never heralded with more than a smile. He grabbed a seat beside the radiator. The weather had been dull for the past month or so, as is typical in his area. He opened his books and began to daze. He was stirred from his reveries by an abrupt slam of books beside him. He turned around and caught a glimpse of a glistening pair of eyes. They were brown. Not just any brown though, they were the darkest brown eyes he had ever witnessed. The whites of the eyes were made immensely vivid by their neighbor's darkness and he had to fight his way out of staring. He decided to focus on who this person was. She was smaller than him, marginally. Her blonde hair sat just past her shoulder and flowed with every turn of her head. She was quiet, giving him a quick hello but nothing more. He grunted back, still not full awoken from his daydreams. However, she smiled. That was it. His jaw dropped. Her perfectly formed lips curved, releasing the most beautiful teeth he had cared to notice. Her cheeks creased a little and her eyes reflected his apparent shock. "Phoenix, meet Robyn, she's new.".
She sat at the small, circular table in the kitchen and began to write. "Mam, Dad, Emily...". She choked back a tear or two before attempting to continue. Eventually, she lost the battle and possibly the biggest tear she had ever produced bounced off the lined paper she had sat in front of her. She grasped the fountain pen and persisted with her note. "I love you all". She sustained her writing for the majority of the note before her body's shaking forced her to cease. She folded the paper and placed it under a heart-shaped paperweight on the counter. She grabbed her favourite red jacket and trudged towards the door. Now, the wait. She placed her carrier bag beside her Cons that had accompanied her through many obstacles. She sat dejected on the bottom step of the winding staircase.
He spent the next week or two casually creating conversation. He used his humor to win her over. However, making friends was not really the challenge. Keeping them was were he failed. He interrogated her, scouring for information, for something that he could build a bond on. It was hard. He couldn't concentrate for losing himself in her smile, or her eyes. They exchanged e-mail addresses and would spend entire nights clattering away at their keyboards. He knew he liked her. She was, on the surface, perfect. He adored the way her hair would blow in several different directions, rebellious to the wind. He adored the way she didn't care when it did. He had found solace in her laugh, her cute laugh. In his opinion, that laugh was the single greatest thing he had ever heard. He loved when she tried defending her name in their petty top trump fights. "A phoenix would beat a Robin any day", he would suggest, usually provoking a debate which would last into the night, her always fighting a losing battle.
She checked her watch. Her grandmother had given it to her in her will. She willed the second hand on its endless journey around the face of the timepiece. He was late, ten minutes late. He was never late. Never, for anything. He insisted on punctuality. Yet here she was, for the first time in their relationship, waiting for him. She began clicking her heels together, her formerly-red, now almost pink, Cons clunked off of each other, their laces rattling off the ground at every collision. She let out a sigh, kicking out pathetically at an ant that had scurried in through the slight gap under the door. The creature stopped, almost mockingly, before continuing in its quest for nutrition.
He had a gut feeling he was falling for her. Admittedly, he had never loved before. How could he confirm this feeling? He did know, however, that he had never felt like this before. He was intoxicated by her scent, soothed by her voice, and her touch gave him goosebumps. He found a new meaning. Something to wake up for, even if waking up from his dreams of her was not his top priority. They continued to live nocturnally as he started making noises about his feelings. He was shy. He had never announced his feelings to a girl before, he had never even ventured close. But there was something about her, something that made him feel he could say it. He made a plan. He invited her out, a day to the zoo. He had planned it perfectly. They met up outside the zoo, the thundering rain seemed to collect on his glasses. They trudged around the empty, unwelcoming, animal cages. He held a single, red balloon and despite her constant questioning, he refused to tell her why he had it. That was until the end of the day. They sat down on the wet bench, reclusively placed in aice the cage that held arctic wolves. He handed her the balloon and she, bewildered, thanked him. He reached into his inside coat pocket and pulled out a sewing pin. He gave it to her, gesturing towards the balloon. She took the hint, popping the balloon with an almighty bang that echoed around the lonely zoo. A slip of paper began its slow descent to the ground, It floated lightly, despite the rain pushing it down. She reached out, catching the now drenched paper. She opened it up, trying to read the soaked ink. She choked back a tear; "Yes! Yes of course!". She reached towards him, grasping him and squeezing to within an inch of his life. He gasped before realising his surroundings. He held her back. He knew. That feeling in his stomach. He knew. He loved her.
She heard a car and her heart jumped. She looked out of the little oval window on the door, nothing. Just a neighbor. Not him.
He had told her his plan after two months together. He was sick of not being able to spend his days and nights with her. They would run, runaway to a place where they could find peace. Where they could have fun. Where he could support her and where they could begin to spend their lives together. At first she was doubtful. Her life was perfect. It was frustrating that she couldn't see him whenever she wanted, but she loved her family and she loved her friends. However, he convinced her that he was serious when he got his driver's license. She gradually came around to the idea.
She looked up again, it was him. His hair glued to his face with rain. His red jacket was soaked through. She opened the door and they greeted each other with a kiss. He beckoned her towards his old Fiesta. It was lashing rain, the wind thrashing around. She stopped and thought for a minute, looking back at her warm, illuminated house. Pictures of her parents sat on the hall table, a family photo hung above the the fourth and fifth step. She threw her gaze to the ground before slamming closed the door to her old life.
They set off. Together at last. Like something out of a movie. He drove for what seemed like days as she slept peacefully in the passenger seat. The man on the radio kept him informed on the time but he hadn't payed much attention. They only stopped for petrol and even that was an event that occured without speech. They finally gave up in a little village on the outside of the next county. They rented a cottage for a week, spending almost a quarter of their savings in one go. They feasted on her prepared sandwiches that night, eager for energy. They sat out on the balcony, falling asleep in each other's arms.
It seemed great. They would drive for hours, stop, find somewhere to stay and fall asleep together. It was a dream come true. They lived out of bags without a care in the world.
However, after 6 weeks on the run, they began to run out of money. Instead of renting places to stay, they slept in the car. Food was rare and cherished when they fell upon it. Their relationship, however, stayed strong. He loved her. He would love her through whatever. In his opinion, this was nothing. Nothing. To her, this was hell. She loved him but she missed her family. She longed for her friends. She would often awake and stare at the stars through the muddy sunroof, whispering to herself "There's no place like home.".
"There's no place like home."
She loved him, she adored him. But she set off into the night. She ran. There's no place like home and she ran there. She ran through the rain, over mountains, rivers and through fields. She ran for days, often stopping for breaks. He awoke to find nothing. She was gone. He was alone again. His love was gone. His one reason for being was gone. It felt like his soul was gone. He was a shell, sitting alone in a hatchback on the side of a motorway, he realised that dreams are only dreams. That he pushed her too far out of her comfort zone. He had pushed his only loved one into a situation were she felt the need to run away from him. He sat, broken, slouched in his seat. He sighed and let out a whimper, a pathetic attempt to scream with anger.
He had never really understood it all. He was just your average teenager. He wasn't overly handsome. He wasn't captain of the sport's teams. He played chess but only when his granddad was over. Video games were only played on rare occasions with friends. He didn't fit into a category. He just . . . existed. He travelled from friend to friend, desperately grabbing on to anything that resembled a social situation. Anything to escape from the darkening cloud of depression. His dad had suffered from it and he knew he eventually would too. However, with not much going for him, he grappled with keeping friends. He had lost them all eventually, for various reasons.
She grabbed the warm sandwiches she had made earlier and hastily packed them into her carrier bag. She gave the clock a fleeting look. Fifteen minutes. She scurried around her parent's suburban terraced house, scavenging anything she thought would be essential. Toothpaste and a brush made there way into the bottom of the bag, nestling beside the sandwiches. She took some clothes, not her entire collection(which spanned two wardrobes), instead she took just the two t-shirts her father had bought her, a beaten up pair of jeans she had owned for many a year and his jumper. She packed underwear, a mix-tape and a wooly hat.
He had just expected it to be another day at school. He would go in, stand alone, awkwardly greet former friends. He would usually revert to positioning himself outside other social circles. He would try chime in with his dry wit however, it was never heralded with more than a smile. He grabbed a seat beside the radiator. The weather had been dull for the past month or so, as is typical in his area. He opened his books and began to daze. He was stirred from his reveries by an abrupt slam of books beside him. He turned around and caught a glimpse of a glistening pair of eyes. They were brown. Not just any brown though, they were the darkest brown eyes he had ever witnessed. The whites of the eyes were made immensely vivid by their neighbor's darkness and he had to fight his way out of staring. He decided to focus on who this person was. She was smaller than him, marginally. Her blonde hair sat just past her shoulder and flowed with every turn of her head. She was quiet, giving him a quick hello but nothing more. He grunted back, still not full awoken from his daydreams. However, she smiled. That was it. His jaw dropped. Her perfectly formed lips curved, releasing the most beautiful teeth he had cared to notice. Her cheeks creased a little and her eyes reflected his apparent shock. "Phoenix, meet Robyn, she's new.".
She sat at the small, circular table in the kitchen and began to write. "Mam, Dad, Emily...". She choked back a tear or two before attempting to continue. Eventually, she lost the battle and possibly the biggest tear she had ever produced bounced off the lined paper she had sat in front of her. She grasped the fountain pen and persisted with her note. "I love you all". She sustained her writing for the majority of the note before her body's shaking forced her to cease. She folded the paper and placed it under a heart-shaped paperweight on the counter. She grabbed her favourite red jacket and trudged towards the door. Now, the wait. She placed her carrier bag beside her Cons that had accompanied her through many obstacles. She sat dejected on the bottom step of the winding staircase.
He spent the next week or two casually creating conversation. He used his humor to win her over. However, making friends was not really the challenge. Keeping them was were he failed. He interrogated her, scouring for information, for something that he could build a bond on. It was hard. He couldn't concentrate for losing himself in her smile, or her eyes. They exchanged e-mail addresses and would spend entire nights clattering away at their keyboards. He knew he liked her. She was, on the surface, perfect. He adored the way her hair would blow in several different directions, rebellious to the wind. He adored the way she didn't care when it did. He had found solace in her laugh, her cute laugh. In his opinion, that laugh was the single greatest thing he had ever heard. He loved when she tried defending her name in their petty top trump fights. "A phoenix would beat a Robin any day", he would suggest, usually provoking a debate which would last into the night, her always fighting a losing battle.
She checked her watch. Her grandmother had given it to her in her will. She willed the second hand on its endless journey around the face of the timepiece. He was late, ten minutes late. He was never late. Never, for anything. He insisted on punctuality. Yet here she was, for the first time in their relationship, waiting for him. She began clicking her heels together, her formerly-red, now almost pink, Cons clunked off of each other, their laces rattling off the ground at every collision. She let out a sigh, kicking out pathetically at an ant that had scurried in through the slight gap under the door. The creature stopped, almost mockingly, before continuing in its quest for nutrition.
He had a gut feeling he was falling for her. Admittedly, he had never loved before. How could he confirm this feeling? He did know, however, that he had never felt like this before. He was intoxicated by her scent, soothed by her voice, and her touch gave him goosebumps. He found a new meaning. Something to wake up for, even if waking up from his dreams of her was not his top priority. They continued to live nocturnally as he started making noises about his feelings. He was shy. He had never announced his feelings to a girl before, he had never even ventured close. But there was something about her, something that made him feel he could say it. He made a plan. He invited her out, a day to the zoo. He had planned it perfectly. They met up outside the zoo, the thundering rain seemed to collect on his glasses. They trudged around the empty, unwelcoming, animal cages. He held a single, red balloon and despite her constant questioning, he refused to tell her why he had it. That was until the end of the day. They sat down on the wet bench, reclusively placed in aice the cage that held arctic wolves. He handed her the balloon and she, bewildered, thanked him. He reached into his inside coat pocket and pulled out a sewing pin. He gave it to her, gesturing towards the balloon. She took the hint, popping the balloon with an almighty bang that echoed around the lonely zoo. A slip of paper began its slow descent to the ground, It floated lightly, despite the rain pushing it down. She reached out, catching the now drenched paper. She opened it up, trying to read the soaked ink. She choked back a tear; "Yes! Yes of course!". She reached towards him, grasping him and squeezing to within an inch of his life. He gasped before realising his surroundings. He held her back. He knew. That feeling in his stomach. He knew. He loved her.
She heard a car and her heart jumped. She looked out of the little oval window on the door, nothing. Just a neighbor. Not him.
He had told her his plan after two months together. He was sick of not being able to spend his days and nights with her. They would run, runaway to a place where they could find peace. Where they could have fun. Where he could support her and where they could begin to spend their lives together. At first she was doubtful. Her life was perfect. It was frustrating that she couldn't see him whenever she wanted, but she loved her family and she loved her friends. However, he convinced her that he was serious when he got his driver's license. She gradually came around to the idea.
She looked up again, it was him. His hair glued to his face with rain. His red jacket was soaked through. She opened the door and they greeted each other with a kiss. He beckoned her towards his old Fiesta. It was lashing rain, the wind thrashing around. She stopped and thought for a minute, looking back at her warm, illuminated house. Pictures of her parents sat on the hall table, a family photo hung above the the fourth and fifth step. She threw her gaze to the ground before slamming closed the door to her old life.
They set off. Together at last. Like something out of a movie. He drove for what seemed like days as she slept peacefully in the passenger seat. The man on the radio kept him informed on the time but he hadn't payed much attention. They only stopped for petrol and even that was an event that occured without speech. They finally gave up in a little village on the outside of the next county. They rented a cottage for a week, spending almost a quarter of their savings in one go. They feasted on her prepared sandwiches that night, eager for energy. They sat out on the balcony, falling asleep in each other's arms.
It seemed great. They would drive for hours, stop, find somewhere to stay and fall asleep together. It was a dream come true. They lived out of bags without a care in the world.
However, after 6 weeks on the run, they began to run out of money. Instead of renting places to stay, they slept in the car. Food was rare and cherished when they fell upon it. Their relationship, however, stayed strong. He loved her. He would love her through whatever. In his opinion, this was nothing. Nothing. To her, this was hell. She loved him but she missed her family. She longed for her friends. She would often awake and stare at the stars through the muddy sunroof, whispering to herself "There's no place like home.".
"There's no place like home."
She loved him, she adored him. But she set off into the night. She ran. There's no place like home and she ran there. She ran through the rain, over mountains, rivers and through fields. She ran for days, often stopping for breaks. He awoke to find nothing. She was gone. He was alone again. His love was gone. His one reason for being was gone. It felt like his soul was gone. He was a shell, sitting alone in a hatchback on the side of a motorway, he realised that dreams are only dreams. That he pushed her too far out of her comfort zone. He had pushed his only loved one into a situation were she felt the need to run away from him. He sat, broken, slouched in his seat. He sighed and let out a whimper, a pathetic attempt to scream with anger.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Skeleton
I genuinely feel sick.
I'm not sure of its cause however.
Maybe it's the fact I have exams beginning on Wednesday(maths exam tomorrow though).
Or maybe it's because, yet again, I find myself in a position with Laura where I dont want to argue but my locked up feelings are killing me.
Or it could be my extensive research for my History project. Choosing the harrowing disaster of the Hillsborough Crush was not a very good idea.
Yet, I do not find myself upset or anything. Just sick.
I'm not sure of its cause however.
Maybe it's the fact I have exams beginning on Wednesday(maths exam tomorrow though).
Or maybe it's because, yet again, I find myself in a position with Laura where I dont want to argue but my locked up feelings are killing me.
Or it could be my extensive research for my History project. Choosing the harrowing disaster of the Hillsborough Crush was not a very good idea.
Yet, I do not find myself upset or anything. Just sick.
Math is a wonderful thing
i need you to edit in pi symbols, degrees, fractions and the like because I don't know how.
Trigonometry 1
Radians & Degrees
Definition of a radian:
- One radian is the angle at the centre of a circle when the arc length is equal to the radius.
- To convert radians into degrees we use the conversion of:
180(degrees) = (pi) radians.
This conversion comes from our knowledge that the angle of the centre of a circle is 360(degrees). If the circle has radius R, then the arc length, S, is the full circumference, which is 2(pi)r.
Therefore 2(pi)radians = 360(degrees) so (pi)radian = 180
Simple Conversions:(Do these as a type of question, i.e. if I have 60 degrees, how many radians do I have. so have the degrees come up first and then the radians in transition, if you know what i mean)
90(degrees) = (pi over 2)
60(degrees) = (pi over 3)
270(degrees) = (3pi over 2)
Complex Conversions:
These conversions do not appear in the log tables and thus you must calculate them yourself.
To do this you have to:(can i get a picture of each step on the side? i.e. for step 2 can I have something that shows what it actually looks like?
- Use your conversion of 180(degrees) = (pi) radian
- Find one degree by putting (pi) radian over 180(degrees)
- If 1(degree) =(pi)radian over 180(degrees) then X(degree) = X(pi)radians over 180(degrees) where X is the number of degrees you look to convert.
Conversion Example:
150(degrees) =150(pi) over 180(degrees) = 5(pi) over 6
Converting Radians to Degrees:
- Use your conversion to find (pi)radian and solve for question e.g. (just an example, not a question i will ask class)
Convert 5(pi) over 3 to degrees.
(pi) = 180(degrees)
5(180degrees) over 3 = 300(degrees)
ARC FORMULA:
s = r(theta)
where S is the arc length, R is the radius and (theta) is the angle
(theta) must be in radians.
We can use this formula if we only need to find one unknown.
Example:
Find the arc length of a circle with radius 3cm and an angle of 45(degrees)
First we must convert 45(degrees) into (pi) over 4 radians
Then we use the formula to find the arc length
s = r(theta)
s = 3(pi) over 4
Trigonometric Ratios:
SOHCAHTOA
sin(theta) = opposite(over)hypotenuse = A(over)C
cos(theta) = adjacent(over)hypotenuse = B(over)C
tan(theta) = opposite(over)adjacent = A(over)B
Other trigonometric ratios are:
sec(theta) = 1(over)cosA
cosec(theta) = 1(over)sinA
cot(theta) = 1(over)tanA = cosA (over) sinA
COMPLEMENTARY ANGLE RESULTS(cant find picture like one in book)
All the angles in a triangle must be equal to 180(degrees)
Therefore if a right angled triangle has an angle A, the final angle can be calculated as 90(degrees) - A.
Cos(90degrees - A) = sinA
Sin(90degrees - A) = cosA
Tan(90degrees - A) = cotA
I cant do the last page of section 2. God, Kate, I'm sorry this is so crap =( I'm useless at stuff like this. I realise i've left you with a lot of work to do, again, I'm really really sorry
Trigonometry 1
Radians & Degrees
Definition of a radian:
- One radian is the angle at the centre of a circle when the arc length is equal to the radius.
- To convert radians into degrees we use the conversion of:
180(degrees) = (pi) radians.
This conversion comes from our knowledge that the angle of the centre of a circle is 360(degrees). If the circle has radius R, then the arc length, S, is the full circumference, which is 2(pi)r.
Therefore 2(pi)radians = 360(degrees) so (pi)radian = 180
Simple Conversions:(Do these as a type of question, i.e. if I have 60 degrees, how many radians do I have. so have the degrees come up first and then the radians in transition, if you know what i mean)
90(degrees) = (pi over 2)
60(degrees) = (pi over 3)
270(degrees) = (3pi over 2)
Complex Conversions:
These conversions do not appear in the log tables and thus you must calculate them yourself.
To do this you have to:(can i get a picture of each step on the side? i.e. for step 2 can I have something that shows what it actually looks like?
- Use your conversion of 180(degrees) = (pi) radian
- Find one degree by putting (pi) radian over 180(degrees)
- If 1(degree) =(pi)radian over 180(degrees) then X(degree) = X(pi)radians over 180(degrees) where X is the number of degrees you look to convert.
Conversion Example:
150(degrees) =150(pi) over 180(degrees) = 5(pi) over 6
Converting Radians to Degrees:
- Use your conversion to find (pi)radian and solve for question e.g. (just an example, not a question i will ask class)
Convert 5(pi) over 3 to degrees.
(pi) = 180(degrees)
5(180degrees) over 3 = 300(degrees)
ARC FORMULA:
s = r(theta)
where S is the arc length, R is the radius and (theta) is the angle
(theta) must be in radians.
We can use this formula if we only need to find one unknown.
Example:
Find the arc length of a circle with radius 3cm and an angle of 45(degrees)
First we must convert 45(degrees) into (pi) over 4 radians
Then we use the formula to find the arc length
s = r(theta)
s = 3(pi) over 4
Trigonometric Ratios:
SOHCAHTOA
sin(theta) = opposite(over)hypotenuse = A(over)C
cos(theta) = adjacent(over)hypotenuse = B(over)C
tan(theta) = opposite(over)adjacent = A(over)B
Other trigonometric ratios are:
sec(theta) = 1(over)cosA
cosec(theta) = 1(over)sinA
cot(theta) = 1(over)tanA = cosA (over) sinA
COMPLEMENTARY ANGLE RESULTS(cant find picture like one in book)
All the angles in a triangle must be equal to 180(degrees)
Therefore if a right angled triangle has an angle A, the final angle can be calculated as 90(degrees) - A.
Cos(90degrees - A) = sinA
Sin(90degrees - A) = cosA
Tan(90degrees - A) = cotA
I cant do the last page of section 2. God, Kate, I'm sorry this is so crap =( I'm useless at stuff like this. I realise i've left you with a lot of work to do, again, I'm really really sorry
Sunday, May 10, 2009
High & Dry
Radiohead just came on on my iPod. Wayyyyy! =) Depressed overdramatic blog this is going to be!
I realised rather suddenly tonight that I harshly fucked Laura right over, twice. I can't believe I did it. I'd give everything I own for a chance to erase all the pain I caused her. I wish history was like a blog, where we could just edit it with a simple tap of the backspace key. But life has it's little discrepencies. It just makes me phyically nauseous.
That's all I can muster up. Apologies.
Thanks,
Karl
xx
I realised rather suddenly tonight that I harshly fucked Laura right over, twice. I can't believe I did it. I'd give everything I own for a chance to erase all the pain I caused her. I wish history was like a blog, where we could just edit it with a simple tap of the backspace key. But life has it's little discrepencies. It just makes me phyically nauseous.
That's all I can muster up. Apologies.
Thanks,
Karl
xx
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Life in Disguise
No real direction in this blog, just felt like doing one.
So after the blog the other day that proclaimed my extreme depression at that moment. However, afterwards I decided to do something which had frightened me into submission on more than one occasion. I went college seeking. Radiography is my ideal career but 500 points is asking a lot and I can't put myself under that pressure. So I researched courses and there are a few I like, the main one being History.
Then me and Laura planned moving to Galway. That'd be amazing, living together, not having to worry about people bitching or whatever. Good buzz.
Today was going well and I was =)
But then Ms.Clifford decided to givethe whole class detention for a few people talking. I don't even sit beside anyone to talk to!
So I was pissed, obviously. Have to get up earlier on a Monday morning!
Can't really think of anything else
Thanks,
Karl
xx
So after the blog the other day that proclaimed my extreme depression at that moment. However, afterwards I decided to do something which had frightened me into submission on more than one occasion. I went college seeking. Radiography is my ideal career but 500 points is asking a lot and I can't put myself under that pressure. So I researched courses and there are a few I like, the main one being History.
Then me and Laura planned moving to Galway. That'd be amazing, living together, not having to worry about people bitching or whatever. Good buzz.
Today was going well and I was =)
But then Ms.Clifford decided to givethe whole class detention for a few people talking. I don't even sit beside anyone to talk to!
So I was pissed, obviously. Have to get up earlier on a Monday morning!
Can't really think of anything else
Thanks,
Karl
xx
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
The Hardest Part
It's amazing how a quick blow can make everything tumble.
My uncle died on Thursday, I dont know what to write about that. It is horrific watching 4 kids bury their father, without their mother being there. I understand why people lose belief in God, this has just made mine stronger.
Where to next...
Things with Laura haven't been great lately either. I'm such a fuck up. She's getting pissed off and I don't blame her. It's only a matter of time until she finds someone better. She's going to America for 2 weeks, I'll be amazed if she doesnt find someone better there.
Next...
Aoife asked me today was I going to London? I was like "sorry what?" and she looked horrified, I guess she wasnt meant to tell me. A quick scan of another blog tells me Vicky and Aoife are favoured, ah yes because I'm a boring cunt, the joys.
Anything else?
Ah yes, having a foster child. Absolutely shit.
I swear I dont know why I try, what's the point? I hate sounding all melodramatic but I just cant find a light to latch onto.
Tom Delonge told 999 others and I that you have to wake up every morning, look in the mirror and love yourself. And when you're out walking, you need to realise the thousands of miracles that are happening just to make every single moment perfect.
I've been listening to AvA, they've become a....comfort band. Snow Patrol & Bloc Party are there for two extremes of emotion, elation and sorrow. AvA are there when I want to feel sad but fall in love with the world again. I just need to try get up the....strength to...I've lost what I was going to say. A tear just formed in my eye.
You feel bad y'know? Here I am complaining because of whatever, yet these "problems" pale in comparison to losing your dad at 16.
I just finished a great book, Confessions of a Fallen Angel by Ronan O'Brien. It was amazing, loved every page of it. Shockingly upsetting however, it's kind of like the Green Mile, you know what is going to happen and yet you are still shocked and upset when it does. It takes a very good author to do it.
Anyway, I'm just about done. I need to go try think of what I've done to Becky to make her mad at me. I've got to just fucking wake from this lull
Thanks,
Karl
xx
My uncle died on Thursday, I dont know what to write about that. It is horrific watching 4 kids bury their father, without their mother being there. I understand why people lose belief in God, this has just made mine stronger.
Where to next...
Things with Laura haven't been great lately either. I'm such a fuck up. She's getting pissed off and I don't blame her. It's only a matter of time until she finds someone better. She's going to America for 2 weeks, I'll be amazed if she doesnt find someone better there.
Next...
Aoife asked me today was I going to London? I was like "sorry what?" and she looked horrified, I guess she wasnt meant to tell me. A quick scan of another blog tells me Vicky and Aoife are favoured, ah yes because I'm a boring cunt, the joys.
Anything else?
Ah yes, having a foster child. Absolutely shit.
I swear I dont know why I try, what's the point? I hate sounding all melodramatic but I just cant find a light to latch onto.
Tom Delonge told 999 others and I that you have to wake up every morning, look in the mirror and love yourself. And when you're out walking, you need to realise the thousands of miracles that are happening just to make every single moment perfect.
I've been listening to AvA, they've become a....comfort band. Snow Patrol & Bloc Party are there for two extremes of emotion, elation and sorrow. AvA are there when I want to feel sad but fall in love with the world again. I just need to try get up the....strength to...I've lost what I was going to say. A tear just formed in my eye.
You feel bad y'know? Here I am complaining because of whatever, yet these "problems" pale in comparison to losing your dad at 16.
I just finished a great book, Confessions of a Fallen Angel by Ronan O'Brien. It was amazing, loved every page of it. Shockingly upsetting however, it's kind of like the Green Mile, you know what is going to happen and yet you are still shocked and upset when it does. It takes a very good author to do it.
Anyway, I'm just about done. I need to go try think of what I've done to Becky to make her mad at me. I've got to just fucking wake from this lull
Thanks,
Karl
xx
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Teenage Kicks
You've probably deciphered the fact that I name my blogs after song titles. They dont mean anything most of the time, I just like it.
Right well today I went to see Monsters vs Aliens, I planned Laura's birthday present too. Nothing expensive sadly as I am as broke as foooook. Im going for the "awhhhh thats so sweet!" instead of the "omggggggggggg i love you, you shouldnt have!"
So I might get it tomorrow, make it over the next week or two.
Im not sure what else to write to be honest. I was quite emotional last night, writing a blog then would have made sense but sure fuck it, yeah?
Thanks,
Karl
xx
Right well today I went to see Monsters vs Aliens, I planned Laura's birthday present too. Nothing expensive sadly as I am as broke as foooook. Im going for the "awhhhh thats so sweet!" instead of the "omggggggggggg i love you, you shouldnt have!"
So I might get it tomorrow, make it over the next week or two.
Im not sure what else to write to be honest. I was quite emotional last night, writing a blog then would have made sense but sure fuck it, yeah?
Thanks,
Karl
xx
Monday, April 13, 2009
You Found Me
Fray didnt make it and she was put down today. Fuck. Fuck Fuck Fucking Fuck Fuck.I found God on the corner of 1st and Amistad
Where the West was all but won
All alone, smoking his last cigarette
I said, "Where've you been?" He said, "Ask anything."
Where were you, when everything was falling apart.
All my days were spent by the telephone that never rang
And all I needed was a call that never came
To the corner of 1st and Amistad
Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me
Lying on the floor, surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait? Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late, you found me, you found me.
But in the end everyone ends up alone
Losing her, the only one who's ever known
Who I am, who I'm not and who I wanna to be
No way to know how long she will be next to me
Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me
Lying on the floor, surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait? Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late, you found me, you found me.
The early morning, the city breaks
And I've been calling for years and years and years
And you never left me no messages
You never sent me no letters
You got some kind of nerve taking all I want
Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me
Lying on the floor, Where were you? Where were you?
Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me
Lying on the floor, surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait? Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late, you found me, you found me.
Why'd you have to wait, to find me, to find me?
I cant write anymore, I'm just not up to it. Laura has gone asleep again, even though I begged her not to. Even though I told her I needed her.
There better be a God because this believing business is hard.
Thanks,
Karl
xx
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Love Like Rockets
Today was relatively boring. But it was by choice and that's okay. I want to see Laura. I also want Fray to be okay.
I dont want to see Siobhan on Wednesday. I do want to go see cars tomorrow. I dont want anymore chocolate. I do want an Indian curry.
Borat is overrated. I am not really surprised.
Thats all really. I really hope Fray makes it. Please, please, please let her be okay. Shes only young.
Thanks,
Karl
xx
Thursday, April 9, 2009
If theres a rocket. . .
Please God tie me to it?
Right, I fail at BEDA, meh. BEcky wasnt interested so I lost interest too.
I might start a new blog. People know this one and I'm not sure I like that. Why did I tell them?
On Tuesday I hung out with Laura, didnt do much but had fun. We went greyhound racing that evening and it was fun. There was one dog though. Forest Romeo. My favourite film being Forrest Gump, Laura's being Romeo & Juliet, we decided to back him/her.
Outside we went and before the race started I told Laura, "If this dog wins, I will propose to you before I turn 21"
And with that the race started. Number 2, our newfound dog, fell behind and things werent looking good. On the back straight he was 4th, maybe 5th. All of a sudden he battled back and won by a lenght. Me and Laura shouted rather loudly, to the amusement of everyone else in the stand, but we didnt care. We had won a marriage proposal(and forty quid).
Yesterday it was our 3 month anniversary. I wanted to make it special. We went to Howth to visit the graves of some of her family, something she had wanted to do for a while. I then brought her to Bray, to Sealife. I bought her a teddy, food, ice cream and we walked on the beach. I tried my absolute hardest to make it the most romantic day of her life.
I guess it didnt work as she spent the day texting. In fact, whenever we hang out, her phone is permanently in her hand.
She texts Nikki a lot. I cant really give out, its her sister.
She texts Becky a lot. I cant really give out, its her best friend.
But its not really fair, is it? Am I just being selfish? But 60 euro and 2 weeks of organising only for her to sit texting?
My next point. This Becky thing that I dont bloody get at all. Apparantly she gets upset at me and Laura.
What do I do?
What?!?
Answers on a fucking postcard please.
I want to be able to have fun with Laura, without worrying about the feelings of someone we both love dearly.
I dont know what to do. Honestly. Heck, Ive tried to reassure Becky that me being with Laura wont change anything. Ive made attempts to hang out more, etc. But do you know what? Its not all my fucking fault. Becky's just as fucking happy going off with Vicky and Aoife. She left us at Becca's birthday, not our fault. Im sick being made feel bad. Im sick of Laura being upset cause she thinks Becky is mad at her. Im sick of Becky being upset because she thinks Laura/Me are mad at her.
Its just stupid. I love Becky. I love Laura. Laura loves Becky. Becky loves Laura. SO WHAT IS THE FUCKING PROBLEM?!?!?!
I dont want to lose my best friend. But I dont want to lose my soulmate either.
Please God give me a rocket. And just fucking tie me to it.
thanks,
Karl
xx
Right, I fail at BEDA, meh. BEcky wasnt interested so I lost interest too.
I might start a new blog. People know this one and I'm not sure I like that. Why did I tell them?
On Tuesday I hung out with Laura, didnt do much but had fun. We went greyhound racing that evening and it was fun. There was one dog though. Forest Romeo. My favourite film being Forrest Gump, Laura's being Romeo & Juliet, we decided to back him/her.
Outside we went and before the race started I told Laura, "If this dog wins, I will propose to you before I turn 21"
And with that the race started. Number 2, our newfound dog, fell behind and things werent looking good. On the back straight he was 4th, maybe 5th. All of a sudden he battled back and won by a lenght. Me and Laura shouted rather loudly, to the amusement of everyone else in the stand, but we didnt care. We had won a marriage proposal(and forty quid).
Yesterday it was our 3 month anniversary. I wanted to make it special. We went to Howth to visit the graves of some of her family, something she had wanted to do for a while. I then brought her to Bray, to Sealife. I bought her a teddy, food, ice cream and we walked on the beach. I tried my absolute hardest to make it the most romantic day of her life.
I guess it didnt work as she spent the day texting. In fact, whenever we hang out, her phone is permanently in her hand.
She texts Nikki a lot. I cant really give out, its her sister.
She texts Becky a lot. I cant really give out, its her best friend.
But its not really fair, is it? Am I just being selfish? But 60 euro and 2 weeks of organising only for her to sit texting?
My next point. This Becky thing that I dont bloody get at all. Apparantly she gets upset at me and Laura.
What do I do?
What?!?
Answers on a fucking postcard please.
I want to be able to have fun with Laura, without worrying about the feelings of someone we both love dearly.
I dont know what to do. Honestly. Heck, Ive tried to reassure Becky that me being with Laura wont change anything. Ive made attempts to hang out more, etc. But do you know what? Its not all my fucking fault. Becky's just as fucking happy going off with Vicky and Aoife. She left us at Becca's birthday, not our fault. Im sick being made feel bad. Im sick of Laura being upset cause she thinks Becky is mad at her. Im sick of Becky being upset because she thinks Laura/Me are mad at her.
Its just stupid. I love Becky. I love Laura. Laura loves Becky. Becky loves Laura. SO WHAT IS THE FUCKING PROBLEM?!?!?!
I dont want to lose my best friend. But I dont want to lose my soulmate either.
Please God give me a rocket. And just fucking tie me to it.
thanks,
Karl
xx
Thursday, April 2, 2009
This Modern Love
BEDA; Day 2
Today Laura wasnt in school. I realised how much I need her to be honest, school seemed a thousand times worse.
However, some good came of this! Got to spend some time with Becky and we went to town and stuff and I had many giggles. Some Mormans tried to convert me but I was like "no thanks"
cos im shmad like that.
Going FM104 gig. Got Laura's ticket today. Im really glad shes going to have a good birthday, she was worried.
Easter Plans:
Wednesday - Howth
Friday - Laura's house
Someday - Beach
=)
ROLL ON EASTER!
thanks,
karl
xx
Today Laura wasnt in school. I realised how much I need her to be honest, school seemed a thousand times worse.
However, some good came of this! Got to spend some time with Becky and we went to town and stuff and I had many giggles. Some Mormans tried to convert me but I was like "no thanks"
cos im shmad like that.
Going FM104 gig. Got Laura's ticket today. Im really glad shes going to have a good birthday, she was worried.
Easter Plans:
Wednesday - Howth
Friday - Laura's house
Someday - Beach
=)
ROLL ON EASTER!
thanks,
karl
xx
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Kreuzberg
Lost my password :)
Found my password =)
World is at peace again.
Doing BEDA with Becky. We're going to blog everyday for April. I'm going to struggle but meh.
Right, getting a new car. Selling my minis. Selling Sydney. Buying an auto, im lazy, dont judge.
Thats all really going on with me. Will drop by tomorrow
Thanks,
Karl
Found my password =)
World is at peace again.
Doing BEDA with Becky. We're going to blog everyday for April. I'm going to struggle but meh.
Right, getting a new car. Selling my minis. Selling Sydney. Buying an auto, im lazy, dont judge.
Thats all really going on with me. Will drop by tomorrow
Thanks,
Karl
Monday, March 9, 2009
Disaster Button
When I put the word "beauty" into google I got that picture there. No pictures of Laura, Google therefore loses.
Today was a Monday(oh joy). Courtney came over for a while but the highlights of the day were kissing Laura at break =) and Becky knocking for me with Aoife.
We had a hot chocolate rave.
Its funny how when you have someone who loves you and actual friends you start to realise how fantastic life can be.
Today = WIN.
Thanks,
Karl
xx
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Fifty on our Foreheads
On the cusp of vessel 18
A look of terror in our eyes
The moonlight licked the face of danger
Innocence made us like soldiers
Untouchable and golden
The quilt of darkness dotted with our teardrops
I know you're sad I'm leaving
So this may hurt a little
But girl look from your window late tonight
You think my heart is frozen
While yours is slowly grieving
You'll see the boy you loved start burning in the sky
We were a dozen to the project
With a galaxy of questions
And all we heard was lies about the truth
No choice but be obedient
Like prisoners of war
Caught on the wrong side of morality and youth
We thought about our loved ones
Tallied 50 on our foreheads
With the pen your mother gave me in the Spring
The sun beat at the windows
Within an hour James had cracked
Left the ship and died still clinging to the wings
I love that song, Fifty on our Foreheads by White Lies. Another uneventful day.
I did however learn that I cannot be left alone with the foster child in case of allegations of sexual assault. Right so!
I love Laura, you knew that, I knew that, but I want to stress it
Thanks,
Karl
xx
A look of terror in our eyes
The moonlight licked the face of danger
Innocence made us like soldiers
Untouchable and golden
The quilt of darkness dotted with our teardrops
I know you're sad I'm leaving
So this may hurt a little
But girl look from your window late tonight
You think my heart is frozen
While yours is slowly grieving
You'll see the boy you loved start burning in the sky
We were a dozen to the project
With a galaxy of questions
And all we heard was lies about the truth
No choice but be obedient
Like prisoners of war
Caught on the wrong side of morality and youth
We thought about our loved ones
Tallied 50 on our foreheads
With the pen your mother gave me in the Spring
The sun beat at the windows
Within an hour James had cracked
Left the ship and died still clinging to the wings
I love that song, Fifty on our Foreheads by White Lies. Another uneventful day.
I did however learn that I cannot be left alone with the foster child in case of allegations of sexual assault. Right so!
I love Laura, you knew that, I knew that, but I want to stress it
Thanks,
Karl
xx
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Nothing to Give
A short blog tonight.
Met foster child, Courtney, I think she hates me but she loves Kayleigh so whatever.
Have hit a low, I dont know whats going on but without Laura I am fully confident I would have ended it all today.
I dont know why.
In fact, I randomly started crying a little bit ago, for no reason.
Thanks,
Karl
xx
Met foster child, Courtney, I think she hates me but she loves Kayleigh so whatever.
Have hit a low, I dont know whats going on but without Laura I am fully confident I would have ended it all today.
I dont know why.
In fact, I randomly started crying a little bit ago, for no reason.
Thanks,
Karl
xx
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
From the Stars
According to the Gaffer, if you grouped everyone in the world together and removed all the empty space in our body, we would be the size of a sugar cube. Then again, the Gaffer also forgot what automatic doors were called.
Right, to the blog then. Wednesday today, half day is ace. Usual nonsense in school and then off to Superquinn to get a Hot Chocolate(no whipped cream, the bastards) with Shane.
Actually, mentioning Shane, that guy is an unsung hero. One of the few genuinely funny people I know. Patience of a saint as well. He was truly amazing after my attempt on my own life.
Next piece of news; finally got my White Lies album, thanks to Becky. Fantastic album. Not a bad song on it! There's creepy songs on it, moving songs and some fantastic pick-me-up songs.
I have homework to complete(there is a surprise)
Thanks,
Karl
xx
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
A Movie Script Ending
Isnt the world incredible? A blue marble in a sea of black nothingness. An incredible concept when you think about it. Here we are living on that tiny insignificant ball of mass. Makes you feel small, almost invisible and that makes me wonder a lot of the time.
So today was a Tuesday, the 3rd of March. What happened? Nothing to be honest. Foster child arrives next Wednesday however we meet her on Thursday this week. I have decided to cut my doasge of the Roaccutane. They are working well but I find myself constantly tired, paranoid and unmotivated.
That, to be honest, is all I can write for today. I will drop back tomorrow.
Thanks,
Karl
xx
Monday, March 2, 2009
Farewell to the Fairground
Lets not patronise with introductions.
Last night I went to see Snow Patrol with Becky and Laura. I had already seen Snow Patrol so the level of expectation was set high and wow! It was everything a person could seek in a show.
They opened with "If theres a Rocket, Tie me to it". Great opener! Highlights were Run(they turned off all the lights and everybody held up their mobile phones, it looked like a starry night sky...amazing). Shut your Eyes was great fun too and the Lightning Strike was out of this world.
Becky and Laura are, along with a few other things, the essentials in my life. I genuinely feel that without Becky I would have thrown myself backwards off a cliff. She is hilarious and a star.
And Laura, well I love her more than she will ever know. She's everything I could have ever wished for. But for some reason, for some stupid reason I cant shake the thought that its all just a little good to be through. I have this gut feeling that she'll leave me, and why not? I mean everyone else does! Whats to love?
Anyway, writing depressingly will make one depressed so lets cheer this up yo!
I have two awesome friends
Thanks,
Karl
x
Last night I went to see Snow Patrol with Becky and Laura. I had already seen Snow Patrol so the level of expectation was set high and wow! It was everything a person could seek in a show.
They opened with "If theres a Rocket, Tie me to it". Great opener! Highlights were Run(they turned off all the lights and everybody held up their mobile phones, it looked like a starry night sky...amazing). Shut your Eyes was great fun too and the Lightning Strike was out of this world.
Becky and Laura are, along with a few other things, the essentials in my life. I genuinely feel that without Becky I would have thrown myself backwards off a cliff. She is hilarious and a star.
And Laura, well I love her more than she will ever know. She's everything I could have ever wished for. But for some reason, for some stupid reason I cant shake the thought that its all just a little good to be through. I have this gut feeling that she'll leave me, and why not? I mean everyone else does! Whats to love?
Anyway, writing depressingly will make one depressed so lets cheer this up yo!
I have two awesome friends
Thanks,
Karl
x
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